Gifts from the Giver of life

It’s time for an update… while I’m still alive and well before I get burnt down to the ground with endless working days at the O&G dept.

I need to rant.. Btw, have I mentioned that I do not like working in O&G? Now you know. I’m not just terrified of it but I’m finding a lot of difficulty actually liking it. I guess I’ll never understand why would anyone want to specialize in this field. At least I definitely know one thing  – this kind of work is not for me. Other than carrying and cooing with newborn babies, the rest about this job is simply just not my thing The work is endless and it’s actually made worse when the air within the department is extremely tense among consultants, specialists and medical officers – it’s quite stressful. Days off are scarce.. it appears that there’s no day offs for me for the next 3 weeks or so. I think the countdown at the moment is somewhere between 100 and 110 days left. Time, please please fly…

I’ve been in the gynae ward since I started and the group of women who strike me most here are those stricken with cancer – ovarian, cervical, and the like. It literally pains my heart to see how frail they look – with hair falling off their heads like withered leaves on an autumn day, their veins as fine as the hairs on their heads, injured by the blast of chemotherapy in hopes to cure or prolong life, their skin as thin as paper… their lives almost as if are hanging by a thread.

One precious elderly woman stands out among the rest. She’s a smiler. During meal times, she adorns her almost baring head with brightly coloured cloths. “Why,” I’ve asked her one time. She replies that she doesn’t want her hair falling unto other’s plates. I’ve seen a Bible next to her where she lies on the bed. She’s stronger inside than she appears physically. To her, every morning that comes is literally a gift from God. She’s under palliative care and she’s just waiting to breathe her last. I can now see why she smiles… she’s inching closer to heaven. It humbles me so much to be around her. I truly admire her courage and strength and pray that I too, can be like her – to smile in the face of storms and hardships.

The process of pregnancy and childbirth amazes me. O&G doesn’t. It’s different. Working in the labour room during the tagging week makes one thing deeply about life. That bulge a woman bears becomes new life in a few hours. What was within now is. Pretty amazing. What was only dependent on mom for nourishment and oxygen now breathes on his own.

I’ve had my fair share of meeting women with miscarriages. There was one who came in with bleeding. The scans showed a fetus way smaller than the dates calculated – they don’t tally. The fetal heart was silent. When he was birthed, he was floppy and his skin macerated. It felt painful for me to lift him from the bed to be placed into our medical dish. She was brave enough to want to have a look at her own child… in all the incompleteness that he was.

Children are indeed gifts from God (Psalm 127:3). He gives and sometimes He chooses to take it back. “Why,” you may ask. I guess it’s an answer which we’ll never know because God is God and we’re not, but whatever it may be, He only gives the best and nothing less.

No thanks, please!

All the pushing, shouting, cries, liquidy, funny smell, blood.. they’re so not for me. I am terrified of O&G. First it was still okay in medical school because it was all about exposure and studying and learning to conduct deliveries. It is actually getting scarier when you’re there working as a doctor.

Yup. As you would have guessed, I’m now posted to the Obstetrics & Gynaecology Department and currently placed in the gynae ward for duty. But because we’re required to learn and know how to do certain procedures and deliver a required number of babies during the first week of duty, we have to tag/shadow in the labour room off office hours for that week. Basically we’re in the core of what Obstetrics really is… the delivery. Let me honestly tell you this, it is no place for the faint hearted. I don’t consider myself to be one, but after seeing some pretty emergency scary cases, I really started palpitating and had to sit and take a short break after the adrenaline was over. The cases involved a baby who was stuck within the birth canal. I wasn’t there at the scene of action to see what was really wrong, but from the room where I was, I heard the staff nurse shouting that the baby’s head was stuck. She kept repeating that and clearly there was sheer panic in her voice. I mean, these women are the most experienced lot which you can get for delivering babies. They’re midwives. When she’s almost screaming that something is wrong… something is deadly wrong. Some house officers went to her aide but they were needing someone with much more experience. While they were trying reach the medical officer on the phone (which then felt like futile attempts), my only instinct was to run out of the labour room and search for whoever I can find and get them down to where they’re needed. Thankfully recognized a specialist during his rounds in the next ward… but by the time we arrived, the team had managed to release the baby through some manoeuvres. But the baby did not cry. Did not seem to respond. Oh no. The paeds team quickly did their resuscitation. By then I had to attend to another woman giving birth.

Arghs. The agony and pain these women put through to bring forth the little one they carried for 9 months. Not a pretty sight. Reminded me of the post I had written back when I was in medical school – here. (I’m quite bummed that I lost all my photos during the move from Windows Live Spaces to WordPress. Sigh. I had a good real life picture there.)

Well, here’s one thing that I can conclude at the end of my first day in this department: O&G is not for me. No way. Nuh uh. My friend and I are counting down the days… again.

Take a Bow and Exit Stage Left

In just one more day, my temporary stay at the ED will finally come to an official end. I still remember the first day we started out here in the department, my friend and I were already counting the days until we leave. For some reason, we felt something amiss that we were already looking forward to finishing up this posting.

Thought I’d put up some of the remaining pics I’ve taken since this will probably be my last thoughts about ED.
As I went back and read some of the posts I’ve written, it struck me that there was one word which I had repeatedly used throughout – interesting. Just the right word to sum it all. Interesting. The really good part about ED is the never-ending challenges of diagnosing patient after patient, and quickly too, in order to provide the most effective treatment to ease the patient’s anxiety and pain and to alleviate the symptoms of the disease in which they present.

I’ve seen many, many, many patients since being in ED and I bring away oh-so-many memories and stories of which I will remember and cherish for quite a long time. Real life stories from real people facing real problems.

Our trusty ultrasound machine fondly known as Maya. Ah.. I’ve had many good and ‘eye-opening’ sessions with her. These times I will definitely miss.

I told my supervisors on the day of my final assessment that I have learnt to be a better doctor because of ED. I ‘graduate’ from there knowing what it really is like to be among community people coming for various medical needs and critical situations – unlike those in the wards where the emergency has passed.

Charcoal pills – all of the pills shown here are to be swallowed by those who, in their brief moment of irrationality, ingested poison – be it in the form of panadol, sleeping pills, detergents, insecticides, etc

I have learnt and am so much more aware of the weapons in which I possess are powerful enough to treat, also powerful enough to kill. Even water can be poisonous to some. I now know what ED is like on a terribly busy Friday/Saturday night and an extremely hectic Monday morning. My advice: Don’t be a part of that craze!

Two super enthusiastic doctors who were on duty from the semi-critical zone came by the resus zone where I was on duty that night, just to view some X-rays on our light-box.
Apparently ours was clearer. Look at how intently they examine the film up-close… and on the table too!! lol…

I’ve witnessed the unfortunate who never made it past the golden hour… the young, the old, those who left behind grieving parents and distraught children. I’ve spoken to those whom we thought were living their last hours, but miraculously picked up. I’ve been a part of a wonderful team who resuscitated a patient who entered in not breathing and no pulse, but leaving our zone with a beating heart.

Those were taken from the CT scan films of a young man in his twenties who probably was involved in a road traffic accident. Yup. You guessed it. That’s some serious skull fractures with bleeding within the brain.

I have seen those who mistreated our emergency department for trivial and small medical matters which could have been seen in an ordinary clinic.

I’ve talked to people who are simply clueless about the illness in which they suffer for years.. and some, who would simply refuse to do anything more about it than to have their illness treated when at its worst.

Our little asthma bay. To some doctors, it’s known as a potential for a disaster. Not all who come here are asthmatics.

I have had patients whose medical problems still left us clueless even up to the point of admitting them up to the wards. There are some who are like puzzles where the doctors at ED will simply have difficulty knowing and solving because of the need to ‘dispose’ them to the wards quickly before a clogged up line starts forming… and believe me, it can be so clogged up, we can even term the place ‘like a pasar malam’. I remember one horridly busy day. The resus bell never seem to stop ringing. People just kept pouring in for the worst of emergencies.

See the many tiny needles within the facial tissues? I’ve been told that this was a common practice among some older woman to ’prevent sagging’. This woman was in her 70s. Never knew that.

I’ve seen many foreigners who with bleeding wounds and broken bones would just walk away from the hospital because they simply cannot afford the treatment which they need most.
I’ve witnessed deliveries of babies of whom their mothers never knew they were pregnant in the first place.

Another X-Ray showing evidences of TB (Tuberculosis)

I step out of this department more grateful for the work of the doctors and other medical staff who are on duty practically at the front doors of the hospital. After working hours after hours in this area of the hospital that never sleeps, I can fully appreciate the hard labour they put in to serve, not just the people as patients, but they in turn, served other departments in many unseen but vital ways.

Thanks, ED.

I was a little bored while working at the wee hours of one night shift. I try to walk around to keep myself awake at night.. or I might just snooze off in front of the patient!

Reflections by the waters

Way too long. I’ve been gone for waaaayy too long. Well, it feels like I have. Believe or not, I do miss blogging, although I don’t seem to do it as often as I should.

The past few weeks have been pretty eventful. From work to some private reflections on life and all there is to it. So here’s an update for those who desperately (lol!) want to know the on-goings of my little life.

I’m done working at ED! Yay! It’s about time and am looking forward to moving on to the next. Bring it on! It would be quite unusual to be referred to as a 4th poster cuz if we were to follow the old system, I would have already been known as a HO-MO AND working locums would be legal. Oh, the joys of working as a HO for 2 years.
(BTW, I DON’T do locums… not while I’m still under training. I don’t even trust myself to treat anyone properly on my own yet)

Will probably blog more about ED and my final thoughts on the posting as whole tomorrow before I step into a new world on Tuesday. Word goes that it probably will be O&G. Argh, the joys of child-bearing (and all there is to it…)

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE BEACH!!

Was blessed with a short break at church camp last week and we went to Port Dickson for a few night’s stay. It’s been a few years since I’ve basked in that beach. I’ve left that place with a conclusion. If there’s anything I could wish for, I’d definitely go for beach-front property. I could just spend hours sitting in the sand, getting my feet soaked by the waves and watching the horizons. It is there that I’ve made the deepest and most personal meditations where there is completely no distractions. It is there where I feel God is nearest. I have spoken the most intimate words at the beach. It was an amazing experience. Ah, and also the joys of burning in the sun and getting a tan.

Stumbled upon some really cute twitter pics from Smashing Magazine. They were simply too cute that I just had to borrow them to decorate my blog.

I thought this was most adorable.
Look at its little tongue sticking out.

So yup. I’ve officially put up a “Follow me on Twitter” link to the right. So if you’re a twitterer and would like to follow me, you’ll see the tiny blue bird on the right. Although I haven’t quite been twittering recently, I will try to as often as I can remember.

I guess that’s all I have to say for now. Hopefully more up tomorrow.