Little girl’s dream

If we were to turn back exactly 15 years and 3 months into the past and you were to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would tell you – in my naive mind – that I wanted to be a baby doctor. Of course, at that time I never knew the technical name to that kind of specialization but that job really was my first real ambition (other than being a piano teacher).

I can still vividly remember the moment I decided that that was going to be my destiny. My mom was pregnant with my sister at that time and I would occasionally follow her for her regular checkups. There was one visit where I remembered that it took no longer than 15 or 20 minutes and within that consultation time, it included an ultrasound scan to check on the baby. I stood with my mother at the counter to pay for the doctor fees. I remember hearing the number RM80 and my little brain immediately thought that it was really good money. A simple ultrasound paddle on the tummy and some other questions and voila! RM80 for my little pocket. Super good money. I remember telling my mom that it was super expensive and it looked really easy to do. It was then that I decided I wanted to be a doctor who deliver babies. For the easy money.

That little idea stuck on for a little while. I started dwelling on it and was liking the idea of having a job privileged enough to bring life into the world. In fact, I was so into it, I even made a deal with my primary school classmate (who also wanted to be a doctor) that we will both open a clinic together for pregnant women.

Today, 15 years later… it’s a whole different story. Now I prefer to stay away from any woman in labour as much as possible. Medical school has taught me the knowledge, thus drawing a picture of all the possible complications which could happen in a pregnant woman and the dangers to look out for during delivery and even after. It has opened my eyes and somewhat destroyed the pretty little picture I once had of an easy job of delivering babies. Housemanship pushed me to experience and see first hand all of these problems.. and I guess it’s not just seeing things, but I have now come to a time where I’m expected to be a part of solving those problems – in some way or another.

It was pretty odd that I suddenly remembered about my first real ambition while driving home from work one day. It was even more odd to realize at this point that my once-upon-a-time dream is now one of my nightmares.

O&G and I don’t share a loving chemistry.
Yes. This is the 4th blog post I’ve said so.