my nightmare

Was actually halfway through writing last night about how puzzled and astonished I was at how teenagers think about the matter of life and death. The thought came when a young 14 year old girl was admitted into the hospital yesterday for attempting suicide by drinking poison. The doctors were worried that she had consumed paraquat – a deadly herbicide that kills quickly after a few hours of the person feeling and looking fine. Thankfully they found out it was malathion, a variant of paraquat, but not as deadly and dangerous. I was just venting how could teenagers these days take small issues so seriously, until they would take their own life away because of a tiny which could be solved eventually. I’ve also heard of many Nilai College students jumping to their deaths in the recent months. I didn’t continue writing… suddenly didn’t feel the need to…
…until I dreamt last night. It wasn’t a very elaborate one, probably wouldn’t mean a lot to some, but in it, I remember walking through the hospital wards and I approached this aunty, as usual, I had to clerk (talk to her, and take the history of her problem) her. Then out of no where, I was told she only had an hour to live, and I remember not being able to say anything to her. She looked calm, as though she didn’t know she was to die in one hour. Then the dream fizzled off…
Alright, so it isn’t so much like a nightmare. lol. I didn’t wake up sweating and feeling terribly afraid. But the more I thought of it, the more important I felt my role in the hospital was. Each and every patient that walks into the wards, some are like a time bomb, ready to explode any moment, some whose lives are living just by a thread. I could be the very last person a patient talks to. I could’ve been the last person that 14 year old girl saw if she had taken paraquat. I could be that last listening ear that aunty with a weak heart could talk to. And when I am doctor someday, my face could be the last image a dying patient sees just before he/she breathes his/her last.
Even worse… to face a patient knowing where he/she will be heading to, after his/her body becomes lifeless. To really know that this very spirit might have eternal separation from the only God. Now that is a nightmare. How will the people know the message of hope, if we do not tell? How can they believe?
The call is even stronger now.

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