I am tired. Seriously tired. I cannot stand it anymore. Every time I get pass a hurdle, I have to face a next one just moments later. They just NEVER ever seem to end! I am so tired of trying to get pass them, I don’t want to face another one anymore. It’s tiring… I want them to stop. If only they would stop coming!! I’m burnt out. I’ve concentrated so much into passing each hurdle after hurdle after hurdle, I don’t even know why I bother doing it anymore! Why should I? What’s the point anymore? ENOUGH I SAY!
I threw a tantrum. I stomped hard. I refuse to move much further. I don’t want to go through the next obstacle. I just wish everything could stop! STOP! I feel aimless… sick and tired of facing problems, struggling through.. and when I finally successfully got through it, there’s another one coming anyway. ENOUGH is enough!!! I’m through with life and its problems.
I’m tired of running this course of life. It’s disheartening. My body’s aching. I want to just stop. Sulk. And give up.
Then I hear it. Someone calling out my name! Then a few more echoing that voice. Then more voices. They’re all shouting my name. Wait. It sounds like a cheer. Now the voices sound like a whole crowd of people. Where are these voices coming from? It’s MY name they’re shouting, accompanied by thunderous claps and applause.
“Don’t give up!”
“You’re so close!”
“Look at the finishing line!”
“You can do it!”
Through my sweat and tear-filled eyes, I see them! A multitude of people! Why are they calling my name? I don’t even know them! Who are they? As I rubbed my eyes and opened them more, it’s a stadium full of people! I’m in the middle of it! WHO ARE THEY? Why me? I squint my eyes…. trying to recognize them. I see a recognizable face! My grandmother! My grandfather next to her! My aunt! Some uncles and aunts from church. They’re seating at a corner. Then I see more recognizable faces – the great preachers and the famous authors. Not very far away, I see Paul, Peter, John, James, David, Moses, Abraham… why are they calling my name? They’re cheering me on! “Get up!” They say. “Keep going…don’t stop!”
Then I looked… and I see Him. Loving and gentle. Full of power and majesty. He smiles. His arms opened, like a sign for me to run into His arms. He’s at the finishing line. “Come,” I can almost hear him say from the distance. The moment my eyes fix upon Him, as though by supernatural power, I feel the strength in me. I didn’t ask for it. I just felt it. Without my control, I just stood and as if my feet were ready to run again. I take a deep breath. Here goes. Next hurdle, here I come…but the difference now my eyes are not on you. Not anymore on the hurdles. My eyes are on Him and the finishing line. That’s where I want to be and I’ll only get there if I continue running. I’ve got a chorus of cheering to push me on…but what’s more important is that He’s there. He’s ready to embrace me when I finish.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
I have been feeling very down. I was really angry. Perhaps it didn’t show…perhaps it did. I was angry at myself and my life. Angry at the problems that keep surfacing. It’s as if I try so hard to stay afloat, and before long another wave comes crashing on me, drowning me once again. It was bad. But I was reminded of this verse today at WinGS. It’s the theme verse for this year’s VBS – and a really appropriate one too! Actually this verse did pop up in my head on the bus ride back to KL Friday morning. Can’t remember how it appeared in my thoughts. It did. But I brushed it aside. But today, it struck me. Struck me hard to my bone too. It’s not about me. It’s not about my problems. It’s about Him.
It’s a tough road, no doubt, very tough. I will feel tired again, I know. I will feel like giving up again for sure. This is going to be the first of many in my life. In fact, I’m only through with one third (hopefully) of my life and it already feels dreary and difficult. But I am not alone. I have my own crowd of supporters. They’re watching and cheering me on. I have my goal. So I must run and complete it for His glory.
It’s not the course of life I’m running… it’s the race of faith.