My last day (hopefully) of official classes at medical school is coming to an end. Wow. This is it.
No more classes.
No more lectures.
No more clinical discussions and case presentations.
No more task/problem based learning.
Feels pretty surreal. The end (well, almost the end) of my whole five years is finally here. Five years has passed by and I have gained a tremendous amount of knowledge and skill – so much that it should be (emphasis) enough for me to see sick patients and know how to manage them. Heavy responsibility. The reality of the career is at my doorstep and it’s already knocking its way in. Job interviews to work for the government will be held next week. Because of my age and through some random sheer luck, I’m going to be the last of my whole batch to be interviewed on the last day. Sigh. Great. Either very little or a whole lot of attention is placed on the last candidate. After which, exam’s will be in a month’s time… and if all goes well, IF ALL GOES WELL… my name will carry that heavy burden of Dr. before it.
This momentous transition hasn’t really sunk in yet. Right now, my brain and body somehow still tells me that there’s class tomorrow or next week, I can still go for classes and learn from my lecturers and supervisors, there’s still going to be guidance and a pair of eyes to watch me when I make mistakes to patients. It really hasn’t been embedded in my being that I will have none of that anymore. I’ll be on my own from now onwards. My wings should be able to take me to fly to greater heights. But I don’t feel like leaving the nest yet! It’s too comforting to be able to hide behind the cover of ‘medical student’ and grin when I make a stupid mistake… at least it won’t kill a patient…yet. ARGH!
Medical school at IMU has changed me so much. Right from the beginning of March 2003… and right to the end, well.. at present January 2008, but I officially end in March 2008. In this course off five years, God has blessed me with so much – so much than I could ever ask for, but as much as He has given, so much has He also taken away. He’s proven Himself faithful through and through, year in and year out… and even at this moment of time, when it’s so difficult to trust in Him because of the circumstances which I’m in, I just got to hang on to the fact that He has been faithful and will always be, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
This was not how I expected to end my five years. I had a whole different picture the day I stepped in Semester 1. I had big dreams. I’d thought I’ll come out big and grand and proud of myself. Today, far from it. Those were naiive dreams of a young immature girl who hasn’t tasted the harshness of life (not that I already have tasted it even now). There’s so much more than to the grandeur of being a ‘doctor’ and status and money (which believe me, isn’t much when compared to the amount of work and time poured into it). There’s long hours, sacrifices of a family, sucking in when your seniors bully you, tolerating difficult patients, reality that death is inevitable even in the wisest hands, there’s pain, there’s loss…it’s a sick world out there who needs a lot of love, even when you don’t feel like loving it and these five years were meant to prepare me for that. To reach out to those who need me and my skills, to listen to those who are burdened with life’s never ending problems, to touch those who lost a loved one, to laugh with the mother who finally had her first child and to be amazed that God is still in control despite all of these. It’s pretty overwhelming… I don’t know if I’ll ever be prepared for such an important job like that. UGH!
Wish me luck Pray for me… First, to get through final exams. sigh.