Just finished with a gruelling session of talks, arguments, point of views, debate…whatever you want to call it, and through that all, I could shed nothing but tears. Genuine hurtful painful tears. We were talking of problems in relation to people very close to our hearts and let me tell you, the tears meant the problem affects us. The tears show that we really care for these people and their situation. The tears also could have been shed as the wounds of past hurts broke down and bled. In short, the situation is important to us… always have been in the past and even now in the present, and the tears were also shed in fear for what is to come. Even as I cried, I was reminded of my own pain and situation which I still hold so dear to me, yet the hurt cuts deep.
To those of you who understand what I’m talking about, let me say that I DO understand what you all are going through… believe it or not. I HAVE been in situations similar to yours. When I don’t talk about it does not mean I don’t understand.. or worse, that I do not care. I think it sickens me even more that people think I am stern or strict in these kind of situations, when all I really wanted and prayed for is their utmost benefit and that they will live lives that glorifies God… in every aspect of it, especially in relation to others. That when I teach, I want to show that joys can be experienced within boundaries which have been set by God. It has never ever been my ill intent to ruin the happiness (Please note that there is a huge difference between happiness and joy) of theirs, but I believe that when I see something is wrong, I truly believe that corrections must be showed. They may not be ready to see it or to learn it, but I still believe correct ways MUST be told… if not, how will they know? The Lord gave us laws and rules for a reason.
I know that I have been placed in a position of authority to teach and to guide. It may fall on deaf ears, but that does not change my role. Yes, people fall and all that, but there is always a place for rebuke, in fact God even speaks of punishment, there is also even a place for confession and repentance. To learn from mistakes and to grow from it. Yes, some may not see the mistakes, thus not growing from it, but when you have seen the implications of it from the past, it is engrained in our minds to remind us of the mistakes we have made in the past. God gave us the ability to have memory for a reason. To remember His faithfulness to us and His love for us for when the times we have failed Him, and to also remember the reason why we have failed Him in the first place.
I really really pray that this time round will be a life changing event – that hearts are renewed and passion for living for the glory of God is birthed. An old girl like me can only take so much… I am striving to be like Christ, but don’t make me Christ.